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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25504306">but i would die for you in secret</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretsarenotforfree/pseuds/secretsarenotforfree'>secretsarenotforfree</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Tree Hill</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/M, High Water Bills (you'll understand), Smut and Angst, do not ask where this came from, two of my favorite things!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 04:48:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,237</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25504306</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretsarenotforfree/pseuds/secretsarenotforfree</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Haley, on her part, still had on her clothing but felt incredible bare.</p><p>Raw, and unprotected, like a shredded nerve or a vulnerable point left open in a way it didn't want to be. That she was afraid to be.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Haley James Scott/Nathan Scott</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>but i would die for you in secret</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>....what. what is there to say. i have a problem. and it's called me being obsessed with naley. taylor swift's album 'folklore' came out yesterday and 'peace' is so naley that i honestly cannot stand it, which is where the title for this comes from! i'm a hoe for stuff being set in canon, so this is basically after nathan told haley she had a sexy ass in five thirteen :D </p><p>okay just enjoy it i hope this got too long as always.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Holy fuck it had been too long.</p><p> </p><p>(He knows why, it was him and her and <em> them </em> and something that cracked, that shaken needed work before it could ever be like this again, but that doesn't mean that every day hadn't stung. That he didn't lay awake, first in a drunken stupor, then with a guilty conscience, and lastly on his brother's couch, arms crossed behind his head and light blues staring at the ceiling. He listens to the whir of a fan that's been turning in Karen's living room for longer that he had known Lucas by a mile and a half and tries to do something other than get stuck in his internal hurricane of emotions, self hate and self blame, and the crushing weight of having let her down. Just because he hadn't been deserving of that look from her in a long time did not mean he'd forgotten it. That even while his heart was limping and wounded, so far from the love of his life and his son, he held tight at those memories. Snarled at the dark thoughts that threatened to poison the memory of big sultry brown eyes, burning in their intensity and helmed by a singular goal.)</p><p> </p><p>That was then.</p><p> </p><p>This was now.</p><p> </p><p>And now was having his heart in his throat, trapped there after it had jumped from Haley's words. He clung to the faint, but growing steadier, spark of hope in his wife's eyes and tried to kiss her as if he could pour <em> missing her </em> into every moment of it. Nathan soaks in the weak, breathy sound of his wife asking for more, her nails digging into the valleys of his strong shoulders, and to have her underneath him is wonderful, amazing, but he wants this to be great. Wants this to be magical.</p><p> </p><p>(She deserves it, she always has, and all Nathan has ever wanted to do was <em> give </em> it to her.)</p><p> </p><p>Brooke won't bring Jamie back until much later, and they have the house to themselves, for once. It's not often that you don't hear the patters of Jamie's little feet down the hardwood floors, or saw his bright blue eyes and tufty blonde hair watching everything and absorbing far too much. Nathan loved his son, he did, but that did not mean he didn't prize his alone time with his wife.</p><p> </p><p>Haley, on her part, still had on her clothing but felt incredible bare.</p><p> </p><p>Raw, and unprotected, like a shredded nerve or a vulnerable point left open in a way it didn't want to be. That she was afraid to be. </p><p> </p><p>Haley <em> loved </em> Nathan. God damn she did, like this unstoppable, tidal wave of emotion inside of her, moving always like a current but sometimes, the things he did….how he looked at her, how he <em> looked </em>(ebony hair, ivory skin, and sparkled blue eyes that blessed her dreams), how he parented and husband-ed, did something funny to her, crashing inside her like a tsunami. Just like that particular force of nature, though in Haley's case it was more often positive, more recently it has been negative. Negative, dark and crushing as it threatened everything in its path.</p><p> </p><p>Haley loved Nathan but relearning how to trust him wasn't something she'd ever been prepared to do.</p><p> </p><p>"Haley...Hales, angel. Stay with me."</p><p> </p><p>A slight shake of her head, and Haley pulls her thoughts back from that fogged, treacherous place and back to the now, a job made much easier by the insistent press of his lips against her jaw, his wandering but driven hands. "I'm here. I'm here, I'm sorry." The words are small and warm, much like her when she cups his face and draws his mouth down to hers. When Nathan kissed her, really <em> kissed </em> her, not an I-love-you-and-will-see-you-later little kiss but a my-world-revolves-around-you-and-can't-live-without-you kiss, an I-want-to-swallow-you-whole kiss, her head would always sink into being absolutely full of him. Every damn time. She melded into him, all of him, inky hair and that hint of a dimple, those cheekbones and shoulders so broad and stacked that if it wasn't for her constant awareness and fear, one almost forgot they weren't as strong as they used to be. Despite all of this, it's too much, too much light coming in, too much room for her mind to think around, and not enough him. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Not enough Nathan.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Somehow, in that way that they've been married for nearly six years and have spent far more of them together than apart, he senses it. Knows that something is off and breaks from their kiss with a lopsided, resigned sigh. His big hand comes up, fingers with such power stroking the hair away from her forehead gently, and touched a finger to her temple. "Stop thinking, Hales."</p><p> </p><p><em> I'm trying </em>.</p><p> </p><p>For whatever reason the words won't come out of her mouth so she looks at him instead, eyes so very brown and so very vulnerable, and Nate knows what she needs. He is up and off the bed quickly, setting about making sure that the room is lit with only the clear midday light peeking through the skinny edges of their shades, throwing the room into dimness. </p><p> </p><p>"Nathan? Nathan what are you doing?"</p><p> </p><p>Haley is bewildered and a bit confused as she props herself up on her elbows but hesitantly doesn't ask again. She figures he's got a game plan. (He always does, after all.) A couple of minutes later, he's returned, the noise of the shower slipping through the cracked door. </p><p> </p><p>Nathan kneels in front of her on the bed and cups her face to his, kissing her slowly, deeply, one that Haley sighs into, helplessly fastening her hands onto his strong wrists. “I just brought the rain to you.” Come the words, murmured onto her lips, and Haley’s heart skips another beat but relaxes, suddenly and fully into his hold. It might be foolish and young that the sound of pattering water could so instantly have an effect on her, but the therapist said that maybe that was more of what they needed anyway, right?</p><p> </p><p>(Part of what was holding her back was something that lurked in the walls of her mind, rooted in the flirtation he’d shared with <em> that woman </em>, brief and inconsequential on his part though it had been. For all that Haley sometimes struggled to feel as if she was the girl he’d placed that halo on so many years before, she no longer knew how to live without the weight of that circlet of that goodness in every look of his eyes. Who was she if Nathan stopped seeing her as better than she was?)</p><p> </p><p>It’s hard to kick that self consciousness away, that tiny bite of a voice that spoke of her bodily insecurities, but she lets the thread of it go for now, the balloon of doubt drifting away, knowing that only time would erase the greyed out parts of her. Nathan strips her out of her clothes like a slow dribble, all practiced ease with skill faded into his hands. Haley’s never been the skinniest girl around (Peyton had held that title for as long as she could remember), but Nathan had never seemed to care. He still stared with soul deep hunger at the slight curve of her belly, never the same since Jamie had come kicking out of it, at the hang of her breasts and the line of her throat. He runs big hands, almost the breadth of her thigh with his fingers spread, down her legs and comes back down for a kiss. Haley’s hair is shorter now than it’s been since they got together, dark like when they had first started dating, but it’s the same weighted silk in Nate’s palms when he cups the back of her head. </p><p> </p><p>He rolls them over with practice and a careful cradle of her bare form, tucking her long bangs behind her ears with her now above him.  Haley’s brain goes to mush when he brushes against her inner thigh, hard and hot and long. It’s been six months, maybe, and when your husband spirals down a darker path than you ever could’ve imagined for him and then your nanny gets crazy obsessed with said husband and son and tries to kidnap them, Haley hadn’t been tempted to do much taking care of herself. As well as she’d learned to play herself over the years, her body missed Nathan’s touch. If she’d been interested in trying to deny this fact, she quickly could’ve been disproven by the cold swipe of their air conditioning against her inner thigh, damp from her attempts to squeeze her legs together around Nathan’s hips.</p><p> </p><p>If Haley hadn’t been so busy licking into her husband's mouth like she was made for it, maybe she could’ve clocked the sweep of driven fingers up her inner thighs. He’s always made a pretty contrast against her, unable to tan like he used to when they used to hold hands to class and kiss behind the library, ivory strong against her golden skin, and she’s always enjoyed it.</p><p> </p><p>Her legs crumple a bit into his when Nathan plays at the creases of her skin, legs trembling when he is everywhere but where she aches for him, and she can’t help her moan. “Baby..”</p><p> </p><p>To say that it was killing him to hold back would be a bit of an understatement, as only intense focus was keeping Nathan from doing all the things he wanted and had missed doing to his wife at a slower pace. He knew that she was wet for him, felt it on his fingertips on his way up, but he wanted this to be good for her. Wanted it to help her remember one of the reasons they were so good together.</p><p> </p><p>(It didn’t hurt that he owed her the hundred some nights they’d spent apart, an apology and promise in every orgasm Nathan planned on giving her.) </p><p> </p><p>With a little maneuvering and a little coaxing, he gets her right where he wants her - the slim stream of her spine arches slightly into his chest, her knees spread alongside his. Nathan ghosts kisses, insistent and burning along the length of her neck, his shoulders more than able to support the fall of her head against him. Haley’s palms push into the top of his knees with a branding pressure, the tiny diamonds in her ring catching the fading light, playing around clutched fingers and closed eyes, and Nathan takes the moment to appreciate how damn sexy his wife is. It’s been years, but he still works at learning new ways to make her squirm at the whisper of his touch, to hear the audible hitch in her breath at some of the filthy things he murmured in her ear. Nothing would ever get him going like seeing Haley so deep in pleasure that her overworked, brilliant, nerd brain put up no fights and surrendered like putty in his hands.</p><p> </p><p>The same way Nathan knew that he was made to play basketball, he knew that it would always feel right to be able to smooth his palm up the side of her waist and cup the weight of her breast in his hand, to experience the full body shudder she couldn’t hold back as she rode his hand. Honesty, something they’d needed for so long, threads in each clench of her muscles around the calloused rhythm of his fingers. They’ve never been able to lie to each other like this, and never would, both a blessing and a curse with a partner who’d been reading your soul longer than you translated your own.</p><p> </p><p>(Nathan works at stoking wildfires in her blood and making stars explode behind her eyes, and though it’s been too long he will never forget how.)</p><p> </p><p>Haley holds onto him like he’s the only anchor in her world and Nathan doesn’t hesitate to remind her that she’s what tethers him to this one with every roll of his hips behind her. Seated on him and at his mercy, Haley remembers what it’s like to lose herself in what they are together, and something better, something good, builds between them on top of all their past and baggage in that moment. </p><p> </p><p>When the bough breaks and she collapses on him, shivering and near over sensitive, Nathan himself wrung out and damp along his back, he finally considers forgiving himself. Lets his mind drift from his guilt when he turns off the shower and returns to their bed with a damp rag to clean them both up. He soaks in every small, tender stroke of Haley’s fingers along his chest during the brief but necessary nap they have afterwards, and feels like hers again. </p><p> </p><p>He is a step behind, when they pull themselves together an hour and messy minutes later and Haley drags on one of his button down shirts, just to gaze at her. Sex hair, long, sculpted legs, and the peek of an ass that has been a prominent feature in his fantasies since he first took a look at it six years ago. And when Haley looked at him, right before leaving the bedroom, the lightest grin he’d seen in months gracing those so soft lips, and eyes that believed in him again, something fell into place.</p><p> </p><p>(Nathan was never going to let it go for that long ever again.)</p>
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